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 Hey, how’s it going out there? Yeah. Here too. It’s a lot, and I for one am still struggling. A friend asked me a couple of days ago if things were going any better for me, and if we had found our “new normal” yet. Well, crap. I didn’t know I was supposed to be looking for one already—I guess I missed the memo. That seems to happen to me a lot. People around me just naturally seem to gravitate to their spots in a new set of circumstances, wherever that may be. Example: My kid starts at a new school, and moms around me find their squads, or villages, or whatever the current catch phrase is. From an outside perspective (and trust me, it is one) it always seems so graceful, natural even, like water flowing towards its destination. Me, on the other hand? I’m more like the character in the sitcom who gets thrown into a position where I’m supposed to rock climb, with zero experience and no equipment. Funny to watch, probably, but am I getting anywhere? You’ll come back from commercial break and find me still standing in the same spot—alone, sweaty and disheveled—scowling up at the face of the rock.

This is Day 16 or 17, depending on how I count. And man, this is still just so weird. I’m supposed to find normal in the midst of this? For real, though? We have created a certain rhythm, I guess. We stay up late and mostly sleep in, save for my husband who has to be online to teach. But even for him, it’s still sleeping in, because he no longer has an hour and 15-minute morning commute. He wakes up, has breakfast and coffee and BOOM! he’s at work. My son and I spend a lot of time in pajamas. I’m not seeing anyone, and it’s easier. I put on leggings and a bra if I’m going out for our daily walk, but the change from pajamas to leggings is subtle. Squint and it would be hard to tell the difference. My daughter does tend to get dressed, just because. I think it’s her unflagging hope that something might be different today, and I don’t want to steal that from her. As little clothing as we are all using, it shocks me that there’s still so much laundry. I mean, how? I’m sometimes wearing the same pajamas for several days in a row. Where is the laundry coming from? (Side question: Where are the socks going? My daughter has 18 unmatched socks. Eighteen!)

I spend too much time online, because it’s the place I go to feel connected. I did have a Zoom meeting with other Girl Scout moms this weekend, which was great. As it turns out, whatever social interaction I normally get is typically either at work or through Avery’s friends’ moms. That’s it. So stick me in my house, and it’s hard. Talking to adults who are not my husband or my boss is necessary for my sanity. Being stuck in my head with little distraction from my own thoughts is a very bad idea. So bad. So this particular new set of circumstances is a challenge, to put it nicely. To put it less nicely, it’s a bitch.

Yes, my family eats together, and my daughter gets to play with her dad. We are catching up on our tv shows and taking on some new ones. (Picard is awesome, by the way. Yes, I am a nerd.) We do dishes (everyone eating at home two to three meals a day creates a lot!), try to keep some semblance or order and generally enjoy each other’s company. I encourage my daughter to read. My son is very much loving his sudden lack of academic pressure. I am trying to be helpful and stay relevant at work while never being at work. We are all hanging in there, trying to figure it out. But I haven’t quite been able to get into a mode where I can view any of this as “normal.” I don’t think I’m in denial; I am quite aware that this is apt to drag on for a very long time. I read the news while wasting hours on Facebook, so I know the drill. I’m trying to slowly ease my daughter into that reality, but I think the rest of us have a fairly clear picture. But I can’t figure out how to reach a place in my head where this feels normal.

My daughter and I took a walk by ourselves tonight, since my husband was lesson planning. We walked by our park, and there are signs here and there which read: “Enjoy the outdoors responsibly” with a icons of a bicyclist, a roller skater and a runner, and between each one it says “<—6 feet—>”. Nothing creepy or sci fi/dystopian future there, nope. Let me be clear: I get it. These signs are necessary. The social distancing is necessary. The “safer at home” rules are very much necessary. I am in full agreement, and following all of the rules to the letter. But it’s hard to shake the absolute weirdness that has infiltrated every aspect of our lives. It all happened so fast, and I admit I’m struggling to keep up. This may be the new normal, but it doesn’t feel anything like normal. I’m slow to adjust.

Bright side: I saw two live concerts from my couch today. I’m loving that part of this reality. Tomorrow Stacy London of What Not to Wear fame will do another Instagram Live Q and A with her audience, who can basically FaceTime her and ask her their pressing fashion questions. She is delightful, and I have been a fan and admirer for a long time. Little known fact: I was such a big fan of WNTW that I was chosen to Skype a message that was included in the series finale, basically talking about what the show had meant to me as a viewer. I mean, I was one of a few dozen chosen, but it was still very cool. I love Stacy London, and listening to her help other fans is always so much fun. She’s smart and funny and approachable. Her book The Truth About Style is fantastic, as an aside. It’s all of the adjectives I just used to describe Stacy, plus thoughtful and touching. Deep, even. If you’re looking for a great quarantine read, I highly recommend it. I forgot to include her recent Instagram Live sessions in the list of things I’m grateful for in the midst of all this craziness. She makes things feel brighter for a little while.

Anyway, it’s 12:35 a.m., and while I won’t post this tonight, it’s time to wrap it up. Have you found your new normal? And if not, what would you like it to look like when you get there? Oh, and could you send directions?