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Okay, it’s only been a week since I posted I was grateful for my stylist-in-training. That post involved a free haircut I received for being a “model” for a class on long layers. Today I got my roots done (again; can’t go very long without it when you’re 80% gray) and my hair highlighted (read: it’s blonder still). Total cost? Only $45! We’re so broke I felt guilty about spending even that much, but it was my Christmas money, so that absolves me a bit. Yes, vanity. If I could find it cheaper than this (but still done well), I would. Anyway, I am grateful for my highlights, and my stylist-in-training, because she really is amazing.

She’s patient, too. I think I created and/or diagnosed a new condition today: hair dysmorphia. You’ve heard of body dysmorphia, yes? This is the hair version of the same issue. Maybe it only occurs in women who go blonde relatively quickly, I don’t know. I kept looking in the mirror while she was blow drying me and thinking it wasn’t blonde enough. Logically, I knew this didn’t entirely compute. She lightened my base color one level (at the roots only, to cover the gray) and went in and painted on additional blonde highlights over the highlights that had been done with foil the last time. So basically the overall look is or should be somewhat blonder than the last time. She added highlights on top of highlights, after all. And it is lighter, or at least I guess it is. My brain just refuses to register it.

I think the issue is that somewhere in my mind I have a level of blonde I am trying to reach, and at this point all my brain is telling me is “not there yet.” The trouble is, this imaginary place in my brain is truly imaginary, because when I started this I had a literal picture (from the internet) of a model with blonde highlights that I really liked. It was my “goal picture,” hair-wise. I pulled it up after she dried my hair today. I then looked at the picture and looked at my hair and realized my hair is lighter than that picture. My brain accepts that. But when I look solely at my hair it still doesn’t look blonde enough. Maybe it isn’t the right shade of blonde? I don’t know. Hair dysmorphia. You read it here first.

This thing with my brain and “enough” is a little scary. Feels like it could be a bit of a slippery slope. Remind me never to get plastic surgery.