I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been going to a Bible study this year. I’m interested in it from a historical perspective and a philosophical one. Sometimes it’s hard. As a half-Jew and someone who considers myself to be more spiritual than religious, I often feel like I’m in the wrong place. The people have been great: encouraging but not judgmental. Still, in spite of this, it can be tough. I read things I flat-out don’t agree with, and that can reinforce the feeling that I am not where I am supposed to be, or that I’m not apt to find the answers I am seeking there. Whether I will or not remains to be seen, but I’ve been struggling harder lately, bristling against things that don’t sit well or feel right to me. It makes giving up tempting.
What’s worse, Avery breaks down every single time I leave her in her Bible study children’s group. It’s odd, when I go away for discussion in my Mommy & Me class, she’s extremely laid back about it. Maybe it’s because we’re separated for only 45 minutes rather than the two hours I’m in Bible study. Either way, it’s increasingly dramatic, and it messes with me. At this point she’s starting to sob when she recognizes the parking lot. She usually seems happy by the time I pick her up, but leaving her is stressful. It gives me one more excuse to want to let the class go.
I was doing my Bible study homework last night, and I read a verse that struck me as so deadly accurate it made me laugh out loud. I’ll post a picture, too, but just to be clear which words hit home, it was as follows:
(Note to the casual reader – I am so not a Bible thumper. I am quite possibly the last person one might expect to quote the Bible, or attend Bible study. And yet I do. Juxtapose this with my post several months back about my late-night wanderings on AdamandEve.com. I’m clearly complicated. Or confused. And no, I wasn’t lost and looking for Genesis-related material. Anyway….)
“Jesus called the crowd to him and said, ‘Listen and understand. What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.’ “
All I could think was how true this is. How perfectly pointed and entirely true. It made me happy, in ways I can’t explain. I don’t always connect to the Bible, but I connected here. Maybe it was the fact that I could practically hear the attitude and tone pouring from Jesus’ mouth. Whatever, I loved it. And I was grateful to have a moment where I did feel connected. Connection is a great feeling, when I can get it. It’s not nearly as often as I might wish, anywhere. So there you are. A moment of connection. And an impossibly weird combination of commentary. Sorry about that.