I wrote a good portion of a blog post this morning, but part-way through I realized it was too weird to post, even for me. I had described a situation, then tried to explain it, and finally made excuses for it. There was even a graph of sorts involved. Well, I tried to get the reader to visualize the graph; I didn’t draw it out. Upon rereading, none of it worked. There was no explanation I could give to make the situation seem anything but weird. Weirder than even I want to seem, at least on a public level.
It was enough to make me cringe and rethink the situation itself. I’m not ready to change it, but it certainly gave me ample reason to take stock. If you perform all kinds of verbal gymnastics and still can’t make something seem reasonable, chances are good that it isn’t reasonable.
I sent someone here recently as a simple means of offering samples of my writing (I lack an actual portfolio). That seems to have gone well, but it also made me stop and consider what I want to post here. Yes, it’s a personal blog. It’s not meant to be formal, and I’m not going to suddenly turn it into something it’s not meant to be. Still, if this is one of my public faces, I do need to think, and then think again, before posting anything.
I’m an odd girl. It isn’t my goal to disguise that here, and honestly I don’t know if I could pull that off even if it were my intent. I wouldn’t know how to appear normal… I’m just trying to somewhat contain my level of weirdness. Maybe only one or two PDW’s (Public Displays of Weirdness) per month is a good idea, to balance things out.
I had this conversation once about knowing where your freak is and becoming entirely comfortable with it. While that would be amazing – not to mention a huge relief – it’s not a place I have reached yet. I certainly know where my freak is, but I haven’t reached a place of complete comfort with it. I let it out to play in private, and I think that’s best, for now. Maybe someday. Who knows what it could accomplish? I think it’s braver than I am. Seems likely.