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Okay, I suppose I’ve been counting down to the Toad show for awhile now, but we’re actually in the t minus stage at this point, so it’s worth a mention. The album release show is tomorrow night. I am bouncing off the walls of my own skull with excitement-based stress. Of couse, that might be the coffee.

I had coffee this morning, as usual, as well as the typical assortment of ice tea and diet soda throughout the day. For awhile now, Chris has been promising to bring me home coffee. The place where he’s currently working has a mind-bogglingly expensive Italian coffeemaker. They apparently buy insanely pricey – and possibly imported, I can’t remember – coffee to go with it. He’s raved about it for weeks, but tonight he finally brought me home a cup. It was a fairly small cup, but I didn’t think much about it. I just figured he’d had a swig or three on his drive home. He didn’t get home until just after 7:00 PM, it should be mentioned. Anyway, I doctored the coffee in my usual way, and started drinking. It was exceptionally good coffee. I noticed that while I thought I could sense that it was fairly strong, it wasn’t in any way bitter or harsh. In fact, it was quite smooth. This is noteworthy because while I love coffee, I’m a coffee wimp. I drink it as doctored as possible – lots of cream and Splenda – and I prefer very light blends. This coffee seemed strong, but somehow went down easily. It wasn’t until I had given my mom a sip that Chris thought to mention that this tiny cup had four shots of espresso in it, and I’d already downed most of it by then. Holy crap!

So yeah, brain rattling around in skull. Trying to focus on what I need to deal with for tomorrow. I’m having lunch with friends and not coming home until after the show. I need my clothes (to change into prior to the show) makeup for touch-ups, my anti-tangle brush and leave-in conditioner, a smaller, lighter (concert-friendly) purse, my camera…. I also need to bring a copy of my ticket info, since I am paranoid about things like that. I am listing all of this for myself, since I have no concept of how clear-headed (or not) I am apt to be tomorrow. Likely not.

So excited to see my friends! So excited to hear new Toad live! OhMyGodTooMuchCaffeine! Help! I could use some soothing music right now, but everything wakes Avery. She’s had a bit of a fussy day… still adjusting to the new schedule, I guess. I so hope she’s good for my mom tomorrow. She’s become more attached to me in the last month or so. Still a Daddy’s Girl, but Mommy has moved up the ladder. Very sweet, but a bit draining. I know my mom can handle it, but Avery (or any almost-two-year-old, I suppose) can be exhausting. She wore me out today, emotionally. I was done.

Being at a Toad show is like being wrapped in a blanket of warm, fuzzy memories. I have little doubt the new stuff will be just as meaningful, someday. To be there tomorrow, holding Chris’ hand, surrounded by friends, listening to Glen’s voice… ahhh. I can almost relax just thinking about it. I could listen to Glen sing the ABC’s, and appreciate it. The first time I ever heard “All I Want,” I stopped dead in my tracks. His voice just stunned me. It still does. Also, his lyrics make me want to be a better writer. (To those visiting this blog for the first time, please don’t judge my writing based on this particular post. I am so utterly hopped up on caffeine right now I can barely remember how to think… eloquence would be too much to ask. I can and have done better, I swear.)  I want to be able to move people with my words the way he has, over and over again. To put pen to paper and have the result be that thousands feel less alone. What a gift! I want to believe I have something similar inside, or the capacity for it, at least. Whether I fulfill that capacity is up to me, but to have discovered the belief that it’s in there has value, too. Even the barest beginning of self-belief is a major step up for me. I’m shaking out my pinfeathers proudly. Not quite ready to leave the nest, but at least I’ve gotten brave enough to peek over the edge. The possibility of flight. Cheers to that!

(I’m so not toasting with coffee.)

Must try to sleep. Wish me luck.

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