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I walked again tonight, which was important because I really didn’t want to. I was tired and got out the door late, which seemed like it could have been a good excuse to blow it off. I went anyway, possibly because I had the memory of yesterday’s party food indulgence haunting me. I improved my time by a minute, which was probably only because I felt like I was moving so sluggishly that I forced myself to jog several (very short) sections to make up time. Since my time only improved by a minute overall, that was probably the right call.

There are days when I’m walking when I feel like I am getting faster, and when my steps feel relatively light. This wasn’t one of them. I felt heavy and slow, and was out of breath a lot. It didn’t make me feel very athletic, but sometimes the biggest victory comes in just getting out the door. My body was talking to me the whole walk, and it definitely wasn’t amused.

Body: Are you freaking crazy?!? You’ve walked three times in four days. At 3.69 miles per walk, that’s… that’s really damned far, is what it is.

Me: Well, maybe a little crazy, but it’s for a good cause, right? Walking makes me lose weight, and when I lose weight I feel better, am healthier overall….

Body: I’ve heard all that before. Do you realize you were pretty much sedentary until last week? Ever heard of easing into things? I’m tired. I’m 44, you know?

Me: Like I could forget. You know I’m an all-or-nothing girl. If I’m doing anything, I’m overdoing it.

Body: I think you’re trying to kill us. Wait, is our arm tingling?

Me: Yes, but it’s the right arm. I’m sure we’re fine.

Body: Hmph. You may be fine, but I’m exhausted. Listen to my breathing. I sound terrible.

Me: You do sound terrible, but if I’m out of breath I must be burning calories, which is a good thing.

Body: Yeah, yeah. What makes you think you’ll stick to it this time? Hmm?

Me: I don’t know that I will. I just need to keep trying.

I think my body started ignoring me at that point, which was fine with me. It had started to piss me off, anyway.

My food was better overall, although I did eat leftover cake. Probably will until it’s gone, too. It wasn’t a huge piece, and it’s just so damned good. I admit that part of my motivation for walking was the knowledge that I would eat some of the cake again. If you can’t just stop yourself, at least do what you can to mitigate the damage. Sounds logical, right? I’ll never be perfect. I am just doing what I can to improve, one right choice at a time.

Very tired now. Avery was unusually cranky today. Probably partly related to missing her nap yesterday, but she’s also fighting a cold. I am hoping against hope that she will have a good day tomorrow. Her attitude affects mine way more than it should. That Pink Rhino thing sounds like a good idea, but I am so far from there right now just the idea of attempting not to yell seems overwhelming. Still pondering it.

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