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All day I couldn’t come up with a blog topic. It was strange. I had thoughts, but they were like circling birds… never really landing anywhere. I still feel similarly, but I also feel like I need to blog once a day no matter what. I’m not entirely sure what you’re going to get.

My daughter is fighting sleep next to me. She’ll lay on Chris’ chest for awhile, but then sit up and demand to be rowed. She loves to row, and is manic about it when she’s upset or overtired. She has extremely strong stomach muscles, and we joke that she will be attending a college with a rowing team. Right now, as I type, she is chanting, “mandy mandy but a dream,” over and over, because Chris is too tired to sing. She can’t quite master “merrily,” but it’s a good effort for a 21 month old.

Chris hasn’t worked all week. I am paranoid that his manager is punishing him because his rep dared to question the lack of full time hours. It’s the first week since he started there that he hasn’t worked, so it seems plausible. Chris did a bunch or work for his parents both Monday and today. In the car on the drive over he heard an NPR story about how hiring people through employment agencies to work “as needed” was the new trend in companies. They never have to pay overtime or benefits, and can string the “employee” along indefinitely. I hate people, sometimes.

We talked for awhile about the situation tonight when he got home. I have plenty to say in terms of complaints but little to offer in terms of ideas or solutions. Chris understands my need to gripe but also wants a plan or plans to resolve things. I am clueless, especially as long as he is at the beck and call of this place. The employment rep still insists the ultimate intent of the company is to hire Chris full-time “once they get things up and running.” I hate to be a Negative Nancy, but dubious doesn’t even begin to cover my feelings. I think they will use Chris (assuming they are busy) for as long as they can get away with and might never hire him. They might not be getting the proverbial milk for free, but it’s a whole lot cheaper when they don’t have to pay benefits, or even make sure he gets a full paycheck.

My legs are killing me. I do this every time I start walking again… do the whole route and end up limping for a day or two. It’ll pass. In the meantime, though, I am walking funny. I ate extremely poorly tonight, unfortunately. Stress, I suppose. If I were one of those people who couldn’t eat when stressed, I’d almost certainly be the smallest I’d ever been in my adult life. As is, the struggle continues.

Swim lessons tomorrow. The sole good thing about Chris not working is not having to drag Avery to the pool, struggle to hold onto her while we wait through her brother’s lesson, sunscreen both of us within an inch of our lives (I am extremely pale and have already had a basal cell carcinoma removed) and then get into a pool, in public, and wait to see if she’ll feel like staying in it for more than three minutes. Not the best part of my week.

My brain is empty. Normally I have so much to say, too much, even. I think I am falling asleep.