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Our computer sucks. It’s ancient, and it has more than one hard drive and has been patched and fixed to the extent that it can be. It’s slow as molasses, which is merely an inconvenience if I’m on Facebook or checking out clothes I can’t afford. But if Chris is trying to do something in Adobe and it’s taking him five times longer than it should, it’s a real problem. Fixing that problem when money is a constant issue is another story. I dream of a fast computer, and money for software updates. I actually have a gargantuan list of things I would do if money wasn’t a problem, a list that ranges from having our house tented for termites to regular dental care. Yeah, it’s good to have dreams.

Meanwhile, Chris didn’t work again today, and we are both now concerned that he is being punished because his rep questioned his lack of hours. He put in for yet another short-term assignment through another agency, but hasn’t heard anything… never a good sign. I was unclear about how taking that short-term assignment would have flown if the original place once again wanted him for the same week. The short-term thing was very short-term, so does he risk the original job for it? The whole situation gives me a headache.

Avery woke up screaming at 5 AM. I tried to comfort her, but she only wanted Da-Da. She kicked and hit me when I tried to soothe her. Lovely. Chris ended up being awake with her for two hours, which was rough on him. It’s not like I wanted to be awake with her for that long, but she’s my daughter and I want her to need me, not just him. I try not to let it get to me, and mostly fail. It hurts. How long before a “phase” becomes a lifelong preference? Hers has been going on for months, and I can only intellectualize it so much. It makes me feel rejected, unwanted by my own daughter. I’ve been feeling it this week because he’s been here more often, so it’s in my face.

My legs feel better today, but I’m not sure I’m making it out to walk. It’s almost 8 PM now. Chris has spent the last two hours trying to get our computer to do something that should have taken 15 minutes. We haven’t eaten, and Avery is “napping,” which probably doesn’t bode well for an early night.

Are these supposed to be themed? I feel like I have done nothing but complain tonight. Is complaint a theme?

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