I broke in the new swimsuit today. We’re at my in-laws’, as we often are on the weekend, and most of us went swimming in their pool. Traditionally everyone plays Marco Polo. What’s funny about our version is that it’s an above-ground pool, and only about 15 feet across. Because of this no one actually ever answers “Polo.” To do so would bring pretty much an instant end to the game. Have you ever watched a group of people – mostly adults – try to avoid each other and the person who is “It” in a pool that small? Trust me, it’s ridiculous. The so-called adults try to throw each other in front of the person who’s “It” and it’s pretty much a free-for-all. But it’s fun, and we like it.

I’ve learned a lot from my husband and all of my in-laws about having fun. Prior to meeting Chris, I wasn’t all that good at it… the “fun” concept. I liked to play games occasionally… games I knew I would win. I couldn’t really imagine a goal beyond winning, I mean, isn’t winning generally the point? I certainly thought it was. Any time I lost I would become sullen and pretty much unbearable. I have no idea how others put up with me, honestly. I have changed considerably in the 15 years since meeting Chris. I do know how to have fun now, and I’m a much better sport overall. I know my limits, too. There are certain games I still can’t stand to lose… Scrabble comes screaming to mind. I rarely play it because I can’t deal with the outcome. I’ve tried to adjust my attitude, but with intermittent luck. Maybe someday.

Someone suggested the idea of a separate, anonymous blog… a place to post things without any fear of repercussion. It’s a nice theory, but I’m convinced I’d manage to screw it up somehow. I’d post the wrong thing on the wrong blog, and the gig would be up. Plus, how would anyone find it? For some reason, I can’t seem to make myself write regularly without the certainty of an audience. It’s an ego problem, I guess. Once I start writing I clearly find it hard to stop, but without knowing that someone is out there, reading it, I find it tough to start at all. I don’t know why I’ve been struggling with that. I’ve kept regular journals at different points in my life, but haven’t managed it in years. Blogging seems more fulfilling, somehow. I’m not always sure who’s reading, but at least I know it’s being read. There’s a definite satisfaction in that. Is there anyone out there? Marco…?

Advertisements